I was creeping around on facebook earlier. Don’t judge. You know you do too. Clicking around, looking at pics of friends. And then I did the thing. You know. The thing. “Wow. She looks old. Do I look that old? She looks wayyyy older than I do. Like, way, way older. And heavier maybe? She hasn’t kept her weight off.” Holy crap. Did I just do that ? Did I just get all judgey and stuff? I wanted to slap myself.
You know why? Because I’m the girl who can’t seem to “keep her weight off”. I’ve literally, (I know, you hate the word literally, but I literally mean it) gained and lost the same 40 pounds since college. Up the scale, down the scale. It’s horrible. I think about my weight constantly. You only understand this if you’ve ever had trouble “keeping your weight off”. And I fail sometimes, because dang it chocolate and wine are freaking awesome! I measure every bite I take in terms of how big my butt will look tomorrow.
I’ve been obsessed with food and fat and calories since I was a twirler in college. Nothing like having to weigh in every Thursday, before marching yourself in front of thousands of people in a skin tight, glittery leotard that left very little to the imagination, including cellulite and flabby thighs. (Dear Lord, how did my Daddy even let me do that?)
I thought I was fat in this picture. I weigh a whopping 115 lbs. I haven’t weighed 115 since, well, probably since this pic was taken!
Right now I’m in a fairly good place, physically, but it’s so hard. Like really, really hard. Mainly because I like chocolate. And wine. And food. I really like food. Did I mention that already?
We are so much more than flabby thighs and poochy tummies. We’ve carried babies inside of those soft poochie tummies, and we’ve paced the floor at midnight waiting on our kids to come home. Those stretch marks that keep us from wearing two piece swimsuits are symbols of the precious cargo we carried inside of ourselves. We have successful careers and dream jobs; we organize the world and teach and sing and pray and love.
You’re actually kind of awesome…
Not perfect. But you. You are perfectly you.
So girls, stop judging. Catch yourself before you say it. I’ll promise to do the same.
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